I want my money back

Dear Calgon,
   Enclosed you will find a receipt for some bubble-bath I recently purchased.  I would like a refund.  You see, apparently, your marketing campaign of "take me away" does not apply to mothers of young children.  After having spent the entire morning rescuing a tiny kitten from a four-year old little girl who loves him much too much, cleaning the kitchen only to have it destroyed again in a matter of five minutes, and walking into my bedroom to find my husband's muddy labrador retriever laying in the middle of my bed, I thought I would take you up on the "take me away" offer.

   I was hoping for the Bahamas.  Instead, I had just gotten a bath run, and was sitting down for some quality "me-time" when the previously mentioned 4 year-old ran in, naked, and demanded that she be allowed to "take a baff wiff you, Mom!"  I herded her out, crying, and making the promise that she could have a "baff" of her own when I was done.  I locked the door.  Climbed BACK in the water and was just getting back into relaxation mode when a blood-curdling shriek rolled through the house. I ran out, dripping water and bubbles, oh yeah, and NUDE, to see the 4 year-old STILL naked, screeching at the top of her lungs. My kitchen looked like a plague of locusts had swarmed through it, and all the other kids standing there with a "Who, me?" look on their faces.  I grabbed the naked 4 year-old and deposited her in the tub. I dried off, got dressed and went out to kill...I mean clean my kitchen. Again.

  In short, your product makes my life more stressful, rather than less so.  Therefore, I want my money back.  I also suggest you issue an immediate disclaimer, which should read: Not for use under the influence of children.

  Sincerely,
         Caryl Frei